Entering the Heart of the Abyss
Aluna Joy Yaxkin - December 2000
I haven’t written much these past months as I have been waiting for the dust to settle around recent visions and life changes. Well, the dust hasn’t settled, in fact it has been stirred up even further, and I ask myself what is going on!? I meditate, eat the right foods, read the right books, live in a spiritual community, and even hang out in some really cool sacred sites! Life should be perfect, right? So why is life feeling so unstable, so changeable, with chaos and confusion around every corner? I have expended so much effort to keep my life in a peaceful and stable state of bliss. Doesn’t God recognize my efforts and the dedication of my heart, and choose to reward my efforts? Doesn’t God see my desire for a blissful life, free from challenges, conflicts and chaos? I ask myself why I and so many other devoted spiritual seekers are going through so much.
As I write this article I am in a vulnerable space, feeling twisted up like a pretzel, or like meat going through a grinder, a lone boat on a great ocean without a compass. Life feels like walking on quicksand. There is no place to put my feet down on solid ground. It seems that I have been shoved into the great void, a great abyss. The polarity on the planet is greatly magnified, and there is no way we can close our eyes to this fact. Our planet, our country, our personal relationships, and all areas of life, are polarized to the extreme. We are being pushed into the heart of the abyss.
Most of us are feeling pulled in a multitude of directions. We are living in many perspectives at once. All the options and opportunities presented to us seem to have equal value with no clear guidance as to which new path to take. We are left to wander around in the unknown with no cosmic signposts saying which way to go next. The rules and programs we have used to stabilize our life experience seem to be melting, blending and fading away. All we are armed with is what we have learned and experienced and our ability to trust that God is in action here. We are asked to trust ourselves fully as we enter the last breath, the last stand of polarity and duality.
The comfort zones we used to retreat back to are no longer there. Even our blissful spiritual practices are not offering us safe haven from the ever-changing chaos and change. We can’t Om or chant ourselves into stability and an unchanging life. These times are not about using spiritual truths to escape or to make excuses for our lives, they are about using spiritual truths to challenge ourselves to broader horizons. This is where the work enters LIGHT WORK. God is always moving, the universe is always moving, so why should we think that if we dedicate our lives, or obtain some level of spiritual evolvement that our lives will be an unchanging blissful state of spiritual stability?
I am beginning to realize that waiting for the dust to settle around my ever-changing life is futile. I am beginning to see that these events in my life are my own doing and by my own asking, and that God is just answering my heated and repeated requests to awaken. I am beginning to see that the way in which I expected God to show up in my life was an expectation based on my spiritual fantasies of peace, love, and bliss. I now see that God has a whole other agenda and He is not going to let me stagnate in some blissful spiritual comfort zone. God is going to push me over and over again because the work is never done. Being on the path means. . . being on the path, and the path is not a vacation.
God IS working in my life and the very unsettledness of my life IS the proof that this is so. So now I am faced with changing my expectations about how God’s will shows up in my life and what a so called spiritually-educated person’s life looks like. And I find this one hard to face. I would rather run to the next distraction. But the distractions are no longer working either!
It feels as if a new paradigm concerning our relationship to virtually everything in our life is emerging, yet we are not clear to what that paradigm is. We are stepping beyond the traditions, dogmas, and programs. We are being asked to step in front of, and re-emerge beyond our education, modalities, and experiences to honor the God beings within. It is time to put behind us who we think we are, what we have learned, our titles and degrees, and stand up to who we are, naked in front of God. All that we think we are is such a small part of who we really are. God is asking us to own our true authenticity, not the facade we have been showing to ourselves and the world.
Chaos seams to be a part of our lives and an instrument of growth and education. And our acceptance of this space tells us we are in the last stages of our transformation. If we are feeling we are being put to the test, pushed off a spiritual cliff, pushed to the very limit of our being, this is Great ! There are no teachers to show us the way anymore. We are the leaders, the teachers, and the student all in one. This powerful and ever-changing year is ending. The path we have been walking we have never walked before. We signed up for this new experience because we are adventurers carving out a new path in the jungle of life, using only our hearts. We do not know where the path will lead next and that is what makes this life and this time so exciting. We have only but one step at a time and the present moment. So as we emerge from the darkness and challenges of winter and move back into the light I have hope that what is just in front of us is amazing as long as we expect the unexpected and open our hearts to all that we are.
Aluna Joy Yaxk'in . . . A Star Messenger - Earth Oracle - Soul Reader - Sacred Site Junkie was literally born awake and in the company of her guides, the Star Elders. Today she has evolved into an author, spiritual life coach, sacred site guide, alternative historian, ordained minister and modern mystic. In the Inca world, Aluna is considered a Qawaq (cow-wak), a clairvoyant or seer of living energy. Aluna acts as a spiritual archaeologist using her clairvoyant / clairsentient gifts to excavate current messages from the masters of ancient, enlightened cultures to uncover what affect this has on humanity and the collective consciousness. She is well known for her down to earth, accepting attitude that makes each one feel like they have come home. She inspires and encourages others to recognize and accept their own authentic divinity and connection to the Creator. "Our groups are family, and each one is a teacher and also a student. We work together as a team to unravel the sacred mysteries of life." Aluna coined the term "sacred site junkie" because she is one herself. After her first trip to Tulum, Mexico, her life changed dramatically, and she was sent on an entirely different path in life. Since this time, her work has been influenced by uncountable shamanic experiences in sacred sites of Mexico, Guatemala, Belize, Honduras, Peru, Bolivia, Egypt, Greece, England, Australia and New Zealand. Aluna has been leading groups in the Maya world since 1986, the Inca world since 1996, and the Egyptian world since 2008, and the mystical world of Avalon (England and Scotland) since 2007. Aluna offers Star Elder Sessions, formulates Sacred Site Essences and a free newsletter. She is the author of "Mayan Astrology" and her articles have been published worldwide. Website: www.AlunaJoy.com
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This article sparked a BUNCH of responses. I never felt such support and also felt like I supported so many. It reminds me we are all in this cosmic school together once again. Thanks you for seeing that I was not needing to be fixed as much as I needed to share where I (and we) are at. When we understand our process we do not take it so personally and give ourselves some slack for not being the perfect spiritual human beings we expect ourselves to be. And by the way in God's eyes.... we are perfect and right on track! I am so glad to be living a life where I can play teacher and be human too. What a blessing. Anyway, I though I would share a few of the responses to the article below.
so happy to hear that chaos has visited Sedona as well as Hawaii and many other places as well and we keep moving through the eye of the vortex (formerly needle) to embrace God and ourselves as God, which is other than we've known ourselves to be. No fantasy just TRUTH! - Sheryl
I Thank God for the Internet. I Thank God for putting you in our lives. Your lines are speaking for all of us who feel exactly the way you do. I feel so much better in knowing that I am not the only one feeling lost. I am spiritual, I do meditate, I take care of my body , my family, friends. I pray to God for guidance, faith, patience, perseverance but sometimes I feel God is deaf. It irritates me and I finally go away from all the spiritual stuff. I abandon my efforts to find God but somehow always return to continue what is unfinished. As if a vacation was needed but at the end always going back to work. So my efforts to find God, to find myself start all over again. Ups and downs! I can't stand them any more. Where is God? Who am I? What am I here for? At the end of the day I ask myself, What grade is God giving me? Was I good or I could do better?. Questions in my head and no answers, so are the days of my life! God bless you, and may he give you everything you heart wishes. Love, MARIA
"Every problem known to man has an answer. Concealed within each problem is an opportunity for spiritual growth resulting in greater understanding. The problem veils some hidden Truth that must eventually be understood. Once this Truth is discovered, it is as if a door is opened from within through which the student steps into a new a larger room. It has been said, "where we are the tightest, there we need stretching". The Law of Life is exacting. It provides, with uncanny precision, just the growth that each one needs. To us is given a choice; we can struggle with the problem, railing at Life for sending it, or we can bless the growth that it contains and set about to find the hidden Truth that will unlock the door to the perfect solution. It is like a jig-saw puzzle; once the missing piece is found, the other pieces will fall into place. The finished picture emerges. The Truth that has seemed to be hidden is eager and willing to reveal Itself. "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock", says the Spirit of Truth within, "and if anyone hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to them." All things are possible in God through me." Lots of love, and thank you for the light you are. Susan
How relieved I am to receive your wonderful sharing message - I have personally felt that I am going backward and not forward but in my heart I know this is not true! You are so right...no outer teachers anymore to show the way, we need only go inward and down into our greatest fears, in order to do what we have chosen in this lifetime. For me being an Israeli and a active peace worker, it is not only my personal life that is in such upheaval but all around me, all that I have worked for years has crumbled like a tower with no foundation.
Well, reading the message in the middle of the letter just reminds me how lucky I am even though the great high of spirituality is not present at the moment but I chose to be present with whatever I have chosen. I hope things settle down for you soon and may you be blessed. Love , light and lightness. Anael
Thank you for your views. It's three in the morning and I have been praying and wondering what in the world is going on. It seems that the institutions we take for granted are now crumbling. I was rather bothered by the election, especially the defranchisement of some of the voters in Florida. However, this election has told voters that they have to really love and honor the freedom that we have fought for through the ages. We are certainly in the learning and growing period, it helps to know that we are greatly loved and we do have angelic and master support. Now all we need to do is get through this period of time and come out into the light and to also shine our own light. Maybe we are being told that we are in the 'age of Aquarius' and we will create our own history. We will be responsible for our own creation. Thanks for illustrating what I am feeling right now. Somehow it helps to know that we are not alone in what we are experiencing. Ann
Good Morning My Sister Aluna - and Happy Winter Solstice.
The way I see it, it's time to rearrange our perception of chaos and choose to enjoy the ride. It is a great opportunity to be in the moment and enjoy each one. Figuring out what is next isn't an option right now, as near as I can tell. (I think because it is so big and even though we still have to do things like make reservations and stuff) Thank you for your solstice letter! It was just perfect to wake up to this morning. I appreciate you SO much for all you do. I LOVE YOU Star
STAR FLOWER ESSENCES
My dear Aluna Joy:
A friend forwarded me your last letter. Just know that you are not alone out here in this unmarked land--there are lots of us redefining and letting go of how we " know" it should be if we are spiritual. This time feels like a cleansing "down to the bone"--and an opportunity to stand in complete integrity and truth. So much of what you said strikes home with me--some of the things were the exact words I have used. Thanks for being willing to tell it like it is. I honor you! In love and light, Carolyn Rose
wow, thank you for what you have written in your last letter. That has taken so much pressure off, as since a long time I just felt that there is no orientation points any more that I could use for moving on. Everything I touched was just not working any more. I started thinking what I might have done wrong but could not really find the point. Well, thank you so much for speaking out how you feel, that really brings back the hope again. Magda (from Canada / Austria) www.mayaresonance.com
Reading your letter is so wonderful, after so many months of being off the computer. It was so apt, so right on....I had a good cry. You have such a gift of saying it like it is. WE will be courageous as we walk through this perplexing time together. If we do not always see God, God always sees us, and maybe we are closer to Him than we have ever been.
Love, Carol ~ Lol-ha
Innocence is all there is When we let go of all of our programs and conditionings of what we were told or thought life is and we let go of all concepts of love and of hate and when there is nothing left but who we are as in only feeling and awareness, There we will find our innocence earnestly and wondrously exploring and discovering life without fear. Let go of the concept of who God is for then you might find God is not a thing and the "other" but God is everything and a part of you. Boldly and yet softly, look upon life with those childlike eyes, free of images and mental constructs, judgements and divisions. Feeling with an awareness as deep as the deepest ocean.
I loved your message....thank you so much for having the courage to speak out with such passion and integrity. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your vision and look forward to seeing you again somewhere in the New Year 2001. Happy Eclipse!
Blessings, Mary Lomando
You know this business of "knowing nothing" and being empty - I am experiencing the same as I mentioned. Just to share - in the last ten days I have had at least nine instances whereby 'spirit' has presented me with the 'death and leaving the body and the freedom of the other dimensions' story. Normally 'they' only assail me with three sychronicistically placed 'messages' to get my attention so I wondered why the 'heavy hand' - obviously 'someone' really wants me to understand. I began to consider if perhaps it was preparation so that I might go in joy and anticipation, but being still here I now believe that it is information to be shared in this upcoming issue and I wonder what your thoughts are on the concept of ....
1. That until we humans let go of the fear of death we will never find perfect health.
2. That it is the very attachment to perfect health that keeps us from enjoying it.
3. That we exhaust ourselves with this attachment so much so that death is inevitable.
4. That we must remove the ingrained belief that only life after death/paradise will provide us with the freedom from pain and suffering that is 'apparently' is not attainable here.
5. Therefore it is this belief that we have to depart the body to obtain this freedom which is preventing us from enjoying our time here.
6. This led me to realising - clues, courtesy of Conversations with God and Course in Miracles, that we can all break free of the body at any time we choose without leaving it. Isn't that what we have been told all along? And that to do so is the ultimate expression of freedom and Oneness.
I am aware that the 'Masters' have 'mastered' this - now to discover how we can all do it........what better goal to start off this year with? So I pursue this avenue and will see how it unfolds, do you want to play?
Happy New Year, Love and Peace, Roger - www.elohim.com
Thank you for that great letter. I believe you have eloquently hit the nail on the head! Very powerful words....they needed to be written and read! I would like to share on of my favorites....you may have seen this one before...but here it is anyway.
Mitakyue Oyasin- Lorraine from Ma.
Rules for being Human
1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2.You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called LIFE. Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them irrelevant or stupid. It makes no difference, you will learn lessons.
3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error,experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately "works".
4. A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can then go on to the next lesson.
5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6. "There" is no better than "here". When your 'there" has become a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that will again, look better than "here".
7. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.
8. What you make of life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources that you need. What you do with them is up to you. The Choice is YOURS.
9. The answers to life's questions lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen and trust.
10. You will get what you ask for. It may not be what you wanted...but it will be what you asked for.
I have read your recent letter and you shared your soul and how you feel that everything is moving around you and you haven't a place to land where you feel comfy safe and secure. It is funny because I feel the same. All of my plans all of my hopes and dreams are not visualizing. I dream with the heart and my dreams always come to me as they are from the deepest place within my heart. So you cannot go wrong when you yearn for specific things to happen. They do happen and will happen. So why the upheaval and the course of winds have shifted. You feel them too! Many of us light workers are feeling this mighty wind of unsureness around us. I have to say that God is asking us to look and find a different door. One that we have not walked through before. This new path that is being felt but not understood is a thought a seed of light and knowledge that is bursting open and we have yet to understand the process of its maturation. We are only feeling the birthing process of gestation. This new seed is the seed of learning to adapt to the subtle forces of change every day. We will not stay put in one place we will move as the leaf flows with the winds. We will not have time to stop and land someplace that we prefer to call home. This will not happen. We will move into new waters connecting with those that have been destined from the beginning of this last omega cycle which is very powerful. ... We can only look into each others eyes and connect our hearts and be together for the moment. As who knows what is in the next moment. ... We are a race of people that truly need one another. all races all cultures are being emeshed together so that we may learn to love each other unconditionally. Then we can move on and become the great stream of light that others will connect to out in the universe.
Love and Blessings - Zimrah
Dear Aluna Joy,
I so much appreciate your vulnerability in sharing precisely where you are at in your personal process of unfoldment. This week has been less than "stable" for me as well. I attribute much of these feelings to a heightened sensitivity as my heart center continues to open. I'm sure you're aware that a race consciousness exists that in spite of all of our spiritual work and lifestyle changes is still part of our environment. These energies are intrusive at times. Pema Chodron's work, "When Things Fall Apart" is a wonderful resource for these times. I don't feel that God is "out there" somewhere - I KNOW that I am God and this is what I am creating in each and every moment. When I take the time to look into things (physical, emotional, mental, and/or spiritual) the illusions that these things are anything other than exactly what they are, pieces of God, disappears, vanishes, melts away. Sometimes I'll visualize my fears and disappointments as ice melting at the heat of the purifying fire of the Father Inti. My heart goes out to you on this sacred day in this sacred moment as it always does when you enter my thoughts. You are teaching me about unity of THE ALL through your communication. Love and Light and May the Consciousness of Christ fill every atom of your being. Martin
Thank you for the letter. Its just what I needed to hear. You are right. Being spiritual does not mean being in constant bliss. The universe is in constant motion and chaos. So are we. .... It is remembering that out of the chaos comes more wisdom and love, not only for yourself but for who ever or what ever is co-creating the chaos. All we have to do is remember to ask for the wisdom and love not only for ourselves but for our co-creator..... I used to have a real struggle with the word surrender. The word surrender conjures up defeat. I have been unable to get past that. The word is like fingernails on a blackboard. It just didn't fit with my spirit. So, one night in meditation it occurred to me that my word is TRUST. I trust God. I trust love. I Trust the Universe. Every time I hear the work surrender I automatically insert the work Trust. It gives me peace, courage, strength. I feel a glow in my heart. I know all is well.Thanks for helping me remember. Happy Solstice ~Hathor
I hear your reaction to the struggle and chaos in your article. I just want to remind you its still 11 EB, and thats what its all about. You'll be very happy this March when we begin 12 Caban Portal. It will be a wonderful experience for everyone after the struggle we've all faced this year. My 11 Eb year seemed devastating to me. I lost everything and struggled with everything. What I didn't realize until afterward was that it remade me from the inside out in ways I would never trade for anything. In'Lakech, - Brian
Thank you everyone for being here for each other!
We are so lucky to have great extended spiritual family!